Propitiation: A Big Word I Didn’t Know I Knew

I often say that God did all the hard work for our salvation.  He chased us throughout history, always loving us first; always making a way.  He proved His love for us in that while we were still sinners He sent His Son to die in our place.  He, by the power of His Holy Spirit, draws us to Himself, convicts us of our sin and even cries out on our behalf in prayer when we don’t know what to say.  Jesus stands at the right hand of the Father telling Him over and over again as we come to His throne with our humanness – in our sin – what it is like to actually walk around on this ball of dust held captive by skin.  He does the chasing.  He does loving.  He did the dying and the resurrecting.  He does the drawing.  He does the mediating.  By comparison, our job is so simple.  Our job is to recognize Him as Lord, to see that He loves us, to hear when He calls and to confess our sin – every time.  Our job is to repent and rest and be quiet and trust; to obey and follow and stay focused on Him.  He does the forgiving, the leading and the directing.  Our job is to receive it from Him.

I am working through a pretty hefty book right now by John Stott called The Cross of Christ.  This morning’s lesson is on “propitiation”.  How’s that for a vocabulary word?  It’s so funny to me that I am studying this now because 5 years ago, before sitting under the teaching of my current Pastor, I would have had to look it up in a dictionary.  (Don’t worry… you don’t have to get yours.  I am about to tell you what it means!)  Now, it at least doesn’t scare me!  To “propitiate” means to assuage or appease someone’s anger; to gain or regain the favor or someone else.  Turns out what I “often say” can be summed up in one really big word.  I don’t like thinking too terribly much about the anger of God, but to use my own terminology, “propitiation” simply means that God did all the hard work to save us.  To quote, Stott, “It is God Himself who in holy wrath needs to be propitiated, God Himself who in holy love undertook to do the propitiating, and God Himself who in the Person of His Son died for the propitiation of our sins.  Thus God took His own loving initiative to appease His own righteous anger by bearing it His own self in His own Son when He took our place and died for us.”

I don’t know about you, but that blows me away.  God took His own loving initiative to do the hard work for me because He knew I would never be able to do it for myself.  He bore His own righteous anger at MY sins because He knew I would never be able to withstand it on my own.  And then He, Himself, in His Son, Jesus, died for my sins so that I might be His very own daughter – chosen, adopted, blessed, gifted with every good gift, abundant and eternal life, the Fruit of the Spirit and the very fullness of Christ.  And my job is to simply accept His gift of grace and mercy, rest in His salvation and trust Him with all that I am and all that concerns me.  My job is to simply gaze into my Father’s face and fall in love with Him.

O Father, captivate me.  Even when I struggle and pull away – as children sometimes do – hold me fast.  Change my heart and draw me close.  Whisper my name in the winds of life in this world and the downpour of my daily.  Continue to do the hard work of drawing me to Yourself and make me more and more like Jesus as I keep my eyes fixed on Him.

Embrace the Crazy

OK… this post has less to do with Speechless Ministries per se and more to do with my own craziness, which clearly impacts everything I do – including speaking to various groups as God gives me the opportunity and writing and performing dramas.  Plus, anyone who visits the site should know the real me and, really, that was kind of the point of the “blog” section anyway.  So, here goes: I just left my kid at the karate school.  That’s right: TOTALLY forgot what time I was supposed to pick him up!  Picture it with me: I’m in the kitchen cooking dinner, which, since we’re being honest, really should warrant a news crew!  I never cook.  It just so happens that this fall I made some taco soup and miracle of miracles, my Honey loves it and requests it often.  When you only have one “specialty” and your man requests it, you cook it.  Period.  So anyway, I’m in the kitchen cooking dinner and my cell phone rings.  It’s Sensei.  My heart does a little leap!  Not because, mind you, I have forgotten to pick up my child, but because said child is, after all, at KARATE and he could be hurt!

“Hello?!”

“Hello… Mrs. Mulligan?  This is Sensei calling on behalf of Caleb.”

“Yes?! [Geez, Mister, get to the point... I'm freaking out here!] Is he alright?!”  Note that I have still not realized WHY the poor man is calling!

“Yes… yes, he’s fine, but… class is over.”

“OH MY GOSH!  I am so sorry!  I am on my way as we speak.  I am so sorry!  I was thinking class was over at 7:30!  Oh my gosh!  See you in a minute!!”

The Suburban could not move fast enough through the streets of my town and the whole way there I kept thinking, “Ugh!  I usually try to hide my craziness a little better than this!’  How totally crazy is that?  I know Sensei to be a Christian man and he was all smiles and “no problems” when I got there.  My sweet first born actually argued with me a little when I apologized, saying it was his fault that I was late.  Bless his pumpkin heart.  In the end, all was well and we made our way back home laughing and talking like we usually do.  But as I finished dinner, I decided I shouldn’t try to hide my craziness from anybody.  I’ve officially decided it’s a good thing that my true, slightly disheveled self is now out there for Sensei to know and laugh at over dinner.  (Note I am assuming here that he couldn’t have POSSIBLY realized I was crazy before now!  Ha!)

It’s a good thing because if we’re honest with each another, we’re all crazy in some way.  Some of us are better at hiding it or polishing it up, but the bottom line is, we’ve all lost our minds somewhere along the way.  If you haven’t, you soon will.  And that’s OK.  ”Crazy people” need a sense of humor and understanding friends and family – and, incidentally, a really good calendar app on their phones!  “Crazy people” need grace and lots of it.  We need God.  And when we stop trying to hide the crazy, we let God and everyone else get a little closer to us.  We realize more easily how good God and those family and friends have been.  And we are much better equipped to love them from the kind of heart that loves best: an honest, true, open one.

So, the next time you are feeling a little crazy, remember, first of all, that you are not alone.  You can confidently say to yourself, “No worries… I’m sure Joeli is somewhere losing her mind at this very moment!”  And most importantly, remember that God is well aware of your crazy and wants to use it to keep you honest!  Embrace the crazy.  I think we’ll all be better for it!

The Perfection Problem

“Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.” – Matthew 5:48

 My relationship with perfectionism is a lifelong one.  I don’t think either of my parents would say that they tried to instill it in me, but somewhere along the way, I certainly picked it up!  Way back when I was getting ready to graduate from college and start life in the “real world” I dressed up my perfectionist tendencies in the form of a well-crafted interview answer:

 Interviewer: What is your greatest weakness?

Me: I think it is my tendency toward perfectionism.  I want things to be done well and I strive to be the best I can possibly be.  If I am going to do something, I want it to be done right.  If I am going to be something, I want to be the best.

Pretty good answer, eh?  I mean who wouldn’t hire someone whose GREATEST WEAKNESS is perfectionism?!  Ugh.  Me… I would not want to hire someone whose greatest weakness is perfectionism.  I honestly do not want to BE someone whose greatest weakness is perfectionism.  So, why in the WORLD would I want to work with someone who had the same neurosis?  Perfectionism makes me question EVERYTHING.  It makes me feel like NOTHING is ever good enough.  It cripples me and keeps me from trying new things.  It makes me slow to start for fear that the finish will not be well.  Gracious.  Wonder how many jobs I lost because of that “well-crafted” interview answer?  Anyway…

 Just in case you haven’t picked up on it already, I have long since realized that my “greatest weakness” – my tendency toward perfectionism – is not REALLY a strength… no matter how I tried to spin it for my potential employers.  In reality, I knew even way back then that wanting everything to be “perfect” was not really a good thing, but I figured I had to say SOMETHING in an interview and I SURE wasn’t going to say that REALLY my greatest weakness is my perpetual tardiness or my inclination to overreact or propensity for procrastination!  I knew THAT wouldn’t get me the job!  And those things only touch the TIP of the iceberg!  But I digress (another trait I have!).  That’s another blog for another day. 

The point here is: perfectionism and I go way back.  And whenever it comes up, especially in Bible study, I get a little antsy.  I start thinking of my self-imposed checklists and all the blanks I have left unfilled in 25+ years of Bible studies, the dates left unchronicled in my journal, the Sundays I skipped, the prayers that went unprayed and on and on and on.  Not to even mention all the harsh words spoken, angry thoughts, inconsiderate ways and unkind actions I’ve taken over the years – all as a professing Christian.  I am in no way, shape or form perfect, but in Matthew 5:48, Jesus said to “be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.”  Yikes.  Just YIKES!  I know intellectually that I can never REALLY BE “perfect”.  As my children say, “Only Jesus was perfect, Mom.” 

So, what do I do with a verse like Matthew 5:48?  Well, the first thing I do is praise God that I am under the blood and grace of Jesus Christ; that EVERY sin, when confessed, will be forgiven (1 John 1:9).  Then I remember that, in Christ, I have been chosen and adopted and am now a child of God.  As such, I am blessed, redeemed, forgiven and DEARLY loved.  (See Eph. 1:3-8, Eph 5:1 and 1 John 3:1)  God doesn’t do things half-way, He LAVISHES His love on me as His child and completely transformed me when He saved me (2 Cor. 5:17).  I figure, if I can love my Kiddos so much that it literally makes my chest hurt even when they make mistakes, don’t use proper table manners, forget their backpacks, lose their jackets, talk ugly, act crazy etc. etc. etc. then SURELY the God of the universe will do what He has promised and love me unfailingly even when I mess up.  He SAID to come to Him and repent.  He SAID that He would never leave me of forsake me (Deut. 31:6).  He SAID that He would catch me when I stumble (Psalm 37:24).  He SAID to fight the good fight and press on (1 Tim. 6:12 & Phil 3:12).  Obviously, He KNOWS that this life will be, on many days, an uphill climb.  He KNOWS that we need grace and mercy for every day (Lam. 3:22-23).  He KNOWS that we NEED Him to remember that we are but dust (Psalm 103:13-14). 

So, when He says to “be perfect as I am perfect” I know He means to keep choosing Him – every day, in every encounter, with every thought, in word and deed.  I know He knows me better than I know myself and was well aware of what He was getting and who He was saving when He went to the cross on my behalf.  My part is to keep my gaze fixed on Him; to keep letting my heart be changed by His Word and His Holy Spirit.  And little by little, my freshly washed heart will overflow with more Christ-like behavior, more loving thoughts, more gentle words and a more radiant face that reflects His glory – rather than my own worry, distress or frustration.  I praise Him that my “wholeness [my “perfection”] is firmly rooted in [Him].  To live a life of perfection is not to make all A’s or to never miss a Sunday at church; rather it is to live a life true to [my] identity as [a child] of an utterly untemptable God who never changes, shows no partiality, and has no darkness in Him at all (Melissa Moore Fitzpatrick, “Perfection: Part Two” in James: Mercy Triumphs, 149).”  Thank God that IN CHRIST, “perfectionism” can actually be a good thing!  In Christ, striving toward perfection is RIGHT because it means drawing to the Only One who is truly Perfect.

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.